Super Heroes with Super Powers . . . We got ‘em! They can leap tall buildings at a single bound and twist into all kinds of shapes while flying through nine different dimensions. And all this while looking Super Hero Handsome, Beautiful, Sexy, or just, well, imposing.
It seems that human beings crave all kinds of spectacular and god-like beings to save them from their humdrum lives and daily problems. It just seems to me that in addition to Superman, Iron Man, and all the rest, we need a few with a few more practical and down-to-earth powers. For example:
1. Politico Man (or Woman) – This Super Hero would look like Mr. Peepers or your Maiden Aunt and with a wave of the hand would cut through all the bulls*it and bloviating in Washington. This person would change our representatives’ minds and attitudes and enable the President and Congress to work together, enacting sensible legislation in a timely manner that would actually help the country and the economy. Can you imagine that?
2. Hacker Man – You know what happened to customers’ credit cards at Target and other stores. Well, Hacker Man would Hack the Hackers and crunch the cyber-criminals. He would sniff out these sleazeballs before they could breach our data and commit nine kinds of financial and identity theft. Finally, he’d bring them to justice.
3. Grammar and Composition Man – Have trouble matching subjects up with verbs or constructing a decent sentence? If so, the three or five paragraph sentence is probably light-years beyond you. If so, Grammar and Composition Man or Woman would fly by at just the right moment and be your Muse, whether you are speaking in public, filling out an application form, writing a twenty page paper for that exacting professor, or what-have-you. Whatever the case, English, or whatever the language, would become your favorite subject.
4. Mr. or Ms. Right or Wrong Man – Can’t make up your mind whether to go out with that guy or gal? Just ask Mr. or Ms. Right or Wrong Man and save yourself a lot of potential headaches. Why invest weeks, months, or years in someone who will ultimately prove to be a loser and break your heart and wallet? This SUPER Hero can take one look at somebody and tell you the score. C’mon, isn’t that better than a hundred Marvel comics?
5. Number 5 is for you, Dear Reader. Can you add to this list of practical SUPER Heroes that we need more than the often silly ones who fill our childish fantasies? If so, comment on this site, and I’ll both publish your comments and add them to this post.